Marriage at the End

When someone asked me recently if I believed in marriage I had to pause and think about it. If you have known me for a while, you know that I rarely have a straight answer due to the fact that there are many aspects to all things. Because marriage is a lot more complicated once you have been part of one, I had to think twice as long, actually still thinking about it.

I believe that two people can live together and be each other's best friend, love each other everyday, be loyal and considerate. Essentially happy, enriching each other's lives for a very long time. There shall be disagreements, individuality, quirky things that the other one can't understand. There could be watching each other grow older, some be ill, some recover. Probably there would be hot times and cold times, ups and downs, hopefully the ups will be higher than the downs can be low. The main ingredients would appear to be a strong friendship, openness and a positive attitude. Yes, sex too.

What I don't believe is that you can call it in advance. There is no way to know how we will change, where life will take us, next month, next year, let alone the rest of our lives. We make choices everyday and feel that we have control, but sometimes life chooses us for something unexpected. There might be a lesson that we must learn alone, a path that does not suit the other person.

With marriage we are going on faith that we can stick to a relationship through thick and thin forever, based on what we feel or think at a very specific moment. The almighty love, the one that feels like it will last forever, is probably what changes the quickest, all of the sudden we find ourselves wondering "where did the freaking thing go?, it was just here!" I'm afraid I have no better answer than "where all lost socks go."

Saying all this, if you are married, a believer in getting hitched forever, please disregard my rant. Power on! I will be the first to support your efforts, cheer you on and lend you an ear for when you need to. It's a sincere offer, in case there are cynical people lurking.

I won't get married again, but because by saying that I'd be contradicting my own premise of finding flaws in calling things in advance. I'd say that if it happens it might go something like "Cicero*, my love, can you believe we've been together for 30 years? how about we celebrate by getting married?"

It's better that way.  I can also assure you that I won't be dissapointed if 30 years down the track my 4yo is not a paleonthologist.

xx
Evelia

*Name has been changed to protect the unknown hypothetical husband

Standing Still

Imagine that you are a the centre of a pack of dogs. You stand while they look away from you. Some of these dogs are fast runners, some are ferocious and dangerous, while some are tame and kind. All of them, however, are entirely familiar to you, you are their minder since they were born.

Imagine now that something stirs them up, you become alert. One of the dogs, a particularly strong one, decides to take off. You feel the tug on the lead you tightly hold, your heart is beating faster, the pull becomes stronger and you lose your balance, ending up dragged along a path that you know won't end up at a pleasant place. Bruised and scraped you recover in the end, a bit far from home, where you belong.

The dogs of thought

Let go of the leash. Feel the tug on your arm but release the tension, instead of pulling or following. Let the dog run, watch it run into the horizon until it becomes a dot to then disappear. You might feel sad, light headed and out of balance, wondering what to do. Just stand and sooner or later the plan will reveal itself

in Stillness

Evelia

~ The Invitation ~

The Invitation
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Canadian Teacher and Author

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.


© 1995 by Oriah House, From "Dreams Of Desire"
Published by Mountain Dreaming, 300 Coxwell Avenue, Box 22546, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4L 2A0