And so it is that I have decided to wrap up my online dating stint.
It was, overall, a positive learning experience . My exposure to willing potential partners can't be compared to anything I have done before. Not to brag, but to give you an idea of the traffic an OK looking mother of 2 can generate, at its peak my profile was seen by 745 members in 21 days with 194 of them contacting me in a 30 day period.
On this particular site, to make it passed the initial "expression of interest" one of the parties involved in the flirtation has to pay. Unappealing to some who fancy themselves too cute to dish out the money, but good value to those who believe that the opportunity to meet someone special is worth the hassle of typing numbers onto the screen. It's a game of emotions and chance, and probably one of the best ways to meet people who are available and/or willing.
There are some colourful characters out there and a couple of weirdos too. But maybe you'd be surprised to know that there are plenty of good looking, intelligent and fun people signed up for this service. People with busy lives, families and successful careers.
So how did I fare? was I lucky enough to find someone who tickled my fancy? I'm not telling, but here are some stats that might be or not representative:
- 100% More first dates than in previous 20 years
- 100% 2nd dates offers (bragging!)
- 40% 2nd dates
- 10% total mismatch
- 10% playful and flirty
- 10% blown away
- 0% dancers
Throw in the timing factor and you end up adding
- 50% hopeful
- 50% scared out of your wits
Which might just lead you to be perceived as
- 100% nutter
and be sent to the back of the queue to start all over. If you're game.
I was fortunate to meet some lovely gentlemen. At no point did I feel threatened or disrespected. However, this is not everyone's experience, a few people, male and female, with whom I've exchanged information had horror stories, mostly related with people pushing for sex on the first date. I had none of that, which allowed me to continue the learning process that I had started feeling positive.
So what did I learn?
I learned quite a few things about my likes and how I've changed throughout the years.
Starting with the fact that I would do much better with someone whose personality is fairly complex, a sophisticated thinker. Someone who has the strength to be vulnerable in front of me, and that will allow for my own vulnerability. I need space to be myself and that's difficult without trust.
I learned that I have still issues lingering from my recent history. That age doesn't really matter, as long as the person sees you as an equal, no toy boys, no sugar daddys. That I'm more likely to be impressed by a man who tells me he has a mankini, than by a guy who goes to The Ivy.
Last but not least, that I want to be seen for who I am, beyond anything physical, but not excluding the enjoyment of the physical world. This hypothetical man, shall be able to be present and see beyond the form, not all the time, but 99% when necessary.
Online dating is not for everyone. Maybe more suitable for someone with a thick skin who is willing to take a chance and put themselves out there. I would advice to approach online dating without any major expectations and with open eyes to allow for learning about yourself. In my case, it is not something that I could do for a long time. Today I feel tired of it, overwhelmed by the shear number of faces and words I read. I know there might have been other slightly gentler options to try to meet a suitable person, for example, I could have just hope to meet someone at the bus stop, but the odds were not nearly as good.
Much love,
Lia.
x
Ps. I have been thinking of catchy new headline in case I ever go back to online dating. Something along the lines of "Zen latina seeks male presence powerhouse for life exploration and other delectable activities" que tal??!!
