I am nearing the end of "A New Earth" a non-book book. A book that transcends the written pages, form.
At this point I am at peace with the knowledge that my inner purpose is to be where I am, doing what I am doing. At first it was quite difficult, something in my head kept telling me that what I was doing was not important. Something else, at a different location, either in the future or the past was better and more worthy of my time.
Obviously this is an illusion. Even during the happy moments of the past, or when we were the person we believe we were, even then, we were somewhere else. It is just now that the past has developed itself like a Polaroid that the image gels in our minds as perfect. We might want to go back to that stage, but it cannot happen as we are always changing with time, in a progression of events that alter us forever.
Thinking too much about the future is the same. In fact, there is no image of the future without memory. All there is, existing beyond the present is an illusion of our brains. A mere collection of thoughts strengthened by...thinking.
I personally enjoy "dreaming" about the future. Imagining my children as grown-ups, being happy and well adjusted makes my heart melt. I understand that there are no guarantees. However, most importantly, I have come to understand that the quality of the future depends on the quality of the present. Learning and growing makes us better, as long as we keep ourselves true to who we are inside, keep our ego in check and allow it to step off centre stage.
My inner purpose now is to finish typing, to end this bubble of expression.
Good night, thanks for being here tonight.
E.
Showing posts with label A New Earth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A New Earth. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Fight not - Tiredness
These days physical tiredness seems to be my companion, coming to the forefront several times a day. I realise that this is normal for some people. For me however, feeling like a need a nap in the middle of the day, to the point of not being able to focus my vision is a very new event.
Maybe it is getting older, maybe it is the state of my life affairs. The main issue lies on the additional layer of pain that this produces. Or to putting in the right order, the pain caused by me fighting the fact that I feel this way. I think that I have written about this before. I'm starting to chase my own tail, would someone just throw a tennis ball, or something.?
It is possible that the tiredness is linked to my decreasing levels of exercise. I'm not sure where the balance point is between exercise and rest. In any case, tomorrow we will start a running programme from day 1. Initially, there are short runs between walking intervals. There are a couple of reasons why I want to do what might seem a step back.
Numero Uno: I want to rebuild my fitness by strengthening the support muscles that I need, gently, slowly.
Numero Dos: I need to have the patience to walk, to take a step at a time, specially when I feel like bolting down the road and never turning back; or when in the contrary, I feel so tired that I could fall asleep standing.
Numero Tres: the experience of a running buddy. Having never had one before I am looking forward to it.
I have been a bit of a loner who whinges about loneliness. In this new chapter of my life, I would like to stop the bad habit of missing on making friends because I am too worried about my own thoughts. I remember thinking a few years back something along the lines of "if I didn't worry, what would I do with my time?". Well, I am willing to find out.
This is a big week for me, having just celebrated the 8th anniversary of having entered the parent realm. I feel like I am ready to stop trying to play the role of parent. From now on, being a parent will not be that unattainable idea of perfection that I cannot fulfill. Probably, it won't look any different on the exterior from what I already do. However, there won't be a gap between me and the role my head has demanded for years for me to play, unsuccessful to my own standards and therefore causing of pain.
I am bad at playing roles, mainly because my expectations are ridiculously high, maybe even purposedly built in such way that I can suffer about not being good enough.*sigh* the games of a bored ego *sigh*
The time has also come for me to leave the relative "safety" of my current life. I am moving on, starting a new chapter in my life. At the start of my separated status, moving to a separate room was a relief, a necessity. I was fine like that for awhile, having my own safe little nook surrounded by things I loved. Although I realise that they are only things, they signify my desire to have a home. A place where I can be myself without the expectation of being plowed by disdain. After 15 months, I have come to the conclusion that I have outgrown my space.
A conclusion not reached without a great amount of struggle. Was I capable of going through with moving away from the one person with whom I've lived most of my adult life? did I not get all I want already? and what about my children? my dreams of a family? the joy listening to the voices early in the morning, every morning? Am I capable of going through life on my own, which is essentially what I need to be prepared to do? I have no answers to these questions, as I cannot predict the future. However, I believe that there is option but to move forward and out, to fully experience the change, to break away and independent is the only way for me at this point.
Looking at my anxiety charts a few days ago, it is evident to me that this struggle was what caused it to spike again. I am however, entering a stage where there is more of me, in all I do. Less fear and worry, more presence, more laughter.
I am tempted to say "I'm so happy that my back is good, if at least I didn't feel physically exhausted..." but it turns out that I am also tired of fighting what is, and that what I cannot immediately change...so I surrender, close my eyes and go to sleep.
Good night,
Evelia <3
Maybe it is getting older, maybe it is the state of my life affairs. The main issue lies on the additional layer of pain that this produces. Or to putting in the right order, the pain caused by me fighting the fact that I feel this way. I think that I have written about this before. I'm starting to chase my own tail, would someone just throw a tennis ball, or something.?
It is possible that the tiredness is linked to my decreasing levels of exercise. I'm not sure where the balance point is between exercise and rest. In any case, tomorrow we will start a running programme from day 1. Initially, there are short runs between walking intervals. There are a couple of reasons why I want to do what might seem a step back.
Numero Uno: I want to rebuild my fitness by strengthening the support muscles that I need, gently, slowly.
Numero Dos: I need to have the patience to walk, to take a step at a time, specially when I feel like bolting down the road and never turning back; or when in the contrary, I feel so tired that I could fall asleep standing.
Numero Tres: the experience of a running buddy. Having never had one before I am looking forward to it.
I have been a bit of a loner who whinges about loneliness. In this new chapter of my life, I would like to stop the bad habit of missing on making friends because I am too worried about my own thoughts. I remember thinking a few years back something along the lines of "if I didn't worry, what would I do with my time?". Well, I am willing to find out.
This is a big week for me, having just celebrated the 8th anniversary of having entered the parent realm. I feel like I am ready to stop trying to play the role of parent. From now on, being a parent will not be that unattainable idea of perfection that I cannot fulfill. Probably, it won't look any different on the exterior from what I already do. However, there won't be a gap between me and the role my head has demanded for years for me to play, unsuccessful to my own standards and therefore causing of pain.
I am bad at playing roles, mainly because my expectations are ridiculously high, maybe even purposedly built in such way that I can suffer about not being good enough.*sigh* the games of a bored ego *sigh*
The time has also come for me to leave the relative "safety" of my current life. I am moving on, starting a new chapter in my life. At the start of my separated status, moving to a separate room was a relief, a necessity. I was fine like that for awhile, having my own safe little nook surrounded by things I loved. Although I realise that they are only things, they signify my desire to have a home. A place where I can be myself without the expectation of being plowed by disdain. After 15 months, I have come to the conclusion that I have outgrown my space.
A conclusion not reached without a great amount of struggle. Was I capable of going through with moving away from the one person with whom I've lived most of my adult life? did I not get all I want already? and what about my children? my dreams of a family? the joy listening to the voices early in the morning, every morning? Am I capable of going through life on my own, which is essentially what I need to be prepared to do? I have no answers to these questions, as I cannot predict the future. However, I believe that there is option but to move forward and out, to fully experience the change, to break away and independent is the only way for me at this point.
Looking at my anxiety charts a few days ago, it is evident to me that this struggle was what caused it to spike again. I am however, entering a stage where there is more of me, in all I do. Less fear and worry, more presence, more laughter.
I am tempted to say "I'm so happy that my back is good, if at least I didn't feel physically exhausted..." but it turns out that I am also tired of fighting what is, and that what I cannot immediately change...so I surrender, close my eyes and go to sleep.
Good night,
Evelia <3
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Pain-body and my story
If you thought that my last post was a bit heavy, it is maybe because my pain-body was activated, making me feel sorry for myself. And what is this "pain-body" I speak about? together with ego, it is the other main entity that tends to render people unconscious, masking with pain a life that by all standards seems liveable and pretty alright.
Pain-body is emotional energy that feeds on our personal history. It was easy for me to comprehend this concept because I have carried emotional stuff all my life. Almost every event can be linked back to a chain of past painful events, thoughts that built upon themselves and make up a story. I have questioned myself often as to why I seem to have a better recollection of negative events. Trauma perhaps, or maybe it is the fact that briging up the memory and building a story around it makes us relive the experience. How much of that experience is fact, after we dress it up with all kinds of tragic connotations?
The power that comes with detaching ourselves from our story is great. In "A New Earth", Eckhart Tolle, tells us that it only takes an instant to lose the identification with our pain-body. If you try it, you will see that it is true. However, I've likened this identification to a bad habit, we do it because we are used to. I have found myself sometimes, idling towards a story, past or future, without even being aware of it. The result is pain, ready to interfere with my decisions and send me into a downward spiral of fear and suffering.
Pain-body feeds on drama. Some of us create drama to feel alive, maybe in the hope that all this suffering will be rewarded one day with a happy ending. "Amor que no es del todo dolor no es del todo amor" I learned in my chama days. Drama is part of my cultural background, if you don't believe me, do tell me, in which other culture is it legal to name a person "Dolores", which can be translated as pain and/or suffering?
One of the challenges is then to break the habit, especially in situations where we react before even formulating a thought. Preparation, knowing the triggers come to mind as a strategy.
My personal pain-body has the watermark of abandonment. At the time of my first formal dealings with anxiety in 2004, my greatest fear in life was being left by my partner, if I became ill or incapacitated. It sounds very complex, but in defense of my story, there were more than one trigger confabulating to feed this fear, mainly being far away from my family, having had surgery and ending up with pneumonia as a side effect. I felt alone and scared, terrified of my own thoughts. Since then, being a bit ill has become a trigger for activating my pain-body. A backache, is not just that, but a feeling of my body failing, of my life entering a dark place. It is obvious to me that I am capable of building a lot of emotional pain on to a backache.
Recently, someone told me that I look sore when I am in physical pain. Pain-body is recognisable, I see it in other people, therefore I am sure I show it too, probably, surely, more than my actual physical pain.
Sometimes when I am out and about I see people whose bodies are being seriously challenged, some cope better than others. I do not presume to know what it is like to be any of those people, in fact I know nothing about them, other than what my knowledge of physics tells me. And I wonder "how would I feel if my body were to dramatically change?" or even "how would I cope with getting old when my body starts indeed failing?", then I remind myself to breath.
Along with some exciting design work I did this week, I listened to audio of Eckhart Tolle on Oprah answering a question from a caller who has suffered Lupus for years and who is in chronic pain, this got my attention. His advice was simple, to break the identification with the illness, she should find wellbeing in nature, and in those places in her body where it exists; do not talk about the illness with anyone but her doctors, while doing all the necessary to help herself.
The more we talk about our story, the more the pain-body feeds, the more negative thoughts occur. The way I see it, breaking free of pain-body is like the quitting smoking of the emotional world, ten times over at the very least. You can quit easily, in fact smokers do it often.
If I believed in God, I would pray to never lose my faculties, to gently and gracefully age with enough time adapt to every change, to never find myself alone when I'm in fear of pain, or actual pain and death. I ask the universe instead, knowing that there are no guarantees, and still taking care of this body, to allow me the space to not attach myself to pain and suffering, and to not struggle with what is happening now.
à bientôt
Evelia
Pain-body is emotional energy that feeds on our personal history. It was easy for me to comprehend this concept because I have carried emotional stuff all my life. Almost every event can be linked back to a chain of past painful events, thoughts that built upon themselves and make up a story. I have questioned myself often as to why I seem to have a better recollection of negative events. Trauma perhaps, or maybe it is the fact that briging up the memory and building a story around it makes us relive the experience. How much of that experience is fact, after we dress it up with all kinds of tragic connotations?
The power that comes with detaching ourselves from our story is great. In "A New Earth", Eckhart Tolle, tells us that it only takes an instant to lose the identification with our pain-body. If you try it, you will see that it is true. However, I've likened this identification to a bad habit, we do it because we are used to. I have found myself sometimes, idling towards a story, past or future, without even being aware of it. The result is pain, ready to interfere with my decisions and send me into a downward spiral of fear and suffering.
Pain-body feeds on drama. Some of us create drama to feel alive, maybe in the hope that all this suffering will be rewarded one day with a happy ending. "Amor que no es del todo dolor no es del todo amor" I learned in my chama days. Drama is part of my cultural background, if you don't believe me, do tell me, in which other culture is it legal to name a person "Dolores", which can be translated as pain and/or suffering?
One of the challenges is then to break the habit, especially in situations where we react before even formulating a thought. Preparation, knowing the triggers come to mind as a strategy.
My personal pain-body has the watermark of abandonment. At the time of my first formal dealings with anxiety in 2004, my greatest fear in life was being left by my partner, if I became ill or incapacitated. It sounds very complex, but in defense of my story, there were more than one trigger confabulating to feed this fear, mainly being far away from my family, having had surgery and ending up with pneumonia as a side effect. I felt alone and scared, terrified of my own thoughts. Since then, being a bit ill has become a trigger for activating my pain-body. A backache, is not just that, but a feeling of my body failing, of my life entering a dark place. It is obvious to me that I am capable of building a lot of emotional pain on to a backache.
Recently, someone told me that I look sore when I am in physical pain. Pain-body is recognisable, I see it in other people, therefore I am sure I show it too, probably, surely, more than my actual physical pain.
Sometimes when I am out and about I see people whose bodies are being seriously challenged, some cope better than others. I do not presume to know what it is like to be any of those people, in fact I know nothing about them, other than what my knowledge of physics tells me. And I wonder "how would I feel if my body were to dramatically change?" or even "how would I cope with getting old when my body starts indeed failing?", then I remind myself to breath.
Along with some exciting design work I did this week, I listened to audio of Eckhart Tolle on Oprah answering a question from a caller who has suffered Lupus for years and who is in chronic pain, this got my attention. His advice was simple, to break the identification with the illness, she should find wellbeing in nature, and in those places in her body where it exists; do not talk about the illness with anyone but her doctors, while doing all the necessary to help herself.
The more we talk about our story, the more the pain-body feeds, the more negative thoughts occur. The way I see it, breaking free of pain-body is like the quitting smoking of the emotional world, ten times over at the very least. You can quit easily, in fact smokers do it often.
If I believed in God, I would pray to never lose my faculties, to gently and gracefully age with enough time adapt to every change, to never find myself alone when I'm in fear of pain, or actual pain and death. I ask the universe instead, knowing that there are no guarantees, and still taking care of this body, to allow me the space to not attach myself to pain and suffering, and to not struggle with what is happening now.
à bientôt
Evelia
Monday, July 5, 2010
Episode 1
"So when you are alert and contemplate a flower, crystal or bird without naming it mentally, it becomes a window for you into the formless. There is an inner opening, however slight, into the realm of spirit." Eckhart Tolle - A New Earth.
As a child, I was fascinated by the flower of the lantana plant. A single flower is composed of about 20 mini flowers. They are colour graded on their perfectly spaced position onto a semi-spherical base of long radius. Also, a hibiscus flower has its reproduction organs exposed, you can transfer the pollen from the yellow-tipped buds to the center, which is bright red, or you could just watch an insect carry it on its back. Even if not officially mentioned on science books, flower contemplation by children is one of the most effective pollination mechanisms that exists.
It is common to hear how children live in the present, if only we could be more like them. How long has it been since I studied a lantana flower?. I have to tell you that the last lantana plant was eradicated from our garden about 2 years ago, because lantana is nothing but a weed, an introduced species that will take over your garden if you let it.
I have a good friend who tells me that "weeds are plants we are prejudiced against". If you think about it, a weed is a tenacious, opportunistic, life embracing being. But in the garden, we want them out, favouring the fragile, the beautiful, the rare, maybe with the purpose of controlling a small parcel of our lives that is likely to give us a predictable result if we work hard enough at it.
I wish a could keep a garden. As I drive around my "garden proud" suburb, I admire the effort people put in, and the beautifully neat, tidy results they obtain. My garden is wild, once in a while I rake the leaves to make room for the children to play on the grass. Initially, I had planted flowers near the front gate but in time they died, as the soil is not so much soil, but sandstone, where only weeds seem to thrive.
The last time I contemplated a flower, it didn't take long before I realised that I had to do something else, be somewhere else. As adults, do we have the time to contemplate anything? With all the responsibilities we have, the people in our care, our work and our finance worries, I'm not sure we have the time, or simply what is required to gain insight into the formless: the feeling of untainted awe for simple things.
We are most likely to be blown away by complex, man made contraptions that would in most cases only reinforce our sense of self. I, in particular, feel the need to know how exactly I should be doing things. I like to know I do a good job. If I decide to give sometime to contemplation, is a little bit of contemplation enough? does it have to be quiet contemplation? or can I contemplate while I walk, while I talk, while I eat? could some one please give me instructions, so I know I have done it right and I can relax and enjoy the fruit of a job well done?
I had unexpected the fortune to study the perfection of nature in a Biomaterials course at university. Basically, we try to imitate the intrinsic characteristics of natural materials with our sooper dooper scientific advancements, and still fall short by miles. That's before we stop to mention the environmental damage we do to achieve results worth mentioning.
I get it. There is perfection in nature, whether there are weeds or not, it is sublime. It challenge us, it nurtures us, and it overwhelms us, as it is unstoppable. We can fight it, but by doing so, we only fight ourselves, as we are nature, with our own personal weeds against which we feel prejudiced.
As a child, I was fascinated by the flower of the lantana plant. A single flower is composed of about 20 mini flowers. They are colour graded on their perfectly spaced position onto a semi-spherical base of long radius. Also, a hibiscus flower has its reproduction organs exposed, you can transfer the pollen from the yellow-tipped buds to the center, which is bright red, or you could just watch an insect carry it on its back. Even if not officially mentioned on science books, flower contemplation by children is one of the most effective pollination mechanisms that exists.
It is common to hear how children live in the present, if only we could be more like them. How long has it been since I studied a lantana flower?. I have to tell you that the last lantana plant was eradicated from our garden about 2 years ago, because lantana is nothing but a weed, an introduced species that will take over your garden if you let it.
I have a good friend who tells me that "weeds are plants we are prejudiced against". If you think about it, a weed is a tenacious, opportunistic, life embracing being. But in the garden, we want them out, favouring the fragile, the beautiful, the rare, maybe with the purpose of controlling a small parcel of our lives that is likely to give us a predictable result if we work hard enough at it.
I wish a could keep a garden. As I drive around my "garden proud" suburb, I admire the effort people put in, and the beautifully neat, tidy results they obtain. My garden is wild, once in a while I rake the leaves to make room for the children to play on the grass. Initially, I had planted flowers near the front gate but in time they died, as the soil is not so much soil, but sandstone, where only weeds seem to thrive.
The last time I contemplated a flower, it didn't take long before I realised that I had to do something else, be somewhere else. As adults, do we have the time to contemplate anything? With all the responsibilities we have, the people in our care, our work and our finance worries, I'm not sure we have the time, or simply what is required to gain insight into the formless: the feeling of untainted awe for simple things.
We are most likely to be blown away by complex, man made contraptions that would in most cases only reinforce our sense of self. I, in particular, feel the need to know how exactly I should be doing things. I like to know I do a good job. If I decide to give sometime to contemplation, is a little bit of contemplation enough? does it have to be quiet contemplation? or can I contemplate while I walk, while I talk, while I eat? could some one please give me instructions, so I know I have done it right and I can relax and enjoy the fruit of a job well done?
I had unexpected the fortune to study the perfection of nature in a Biomaterials course at university. Basically, we try to imitate the intrinsic characteristics of natural materials with our sooper dooper scientific advancements, and still fall short by miles. That's before we stop to mention the environmental damage we do to achieve results worth mentioning.
I get it. There is perfection in nature, whether there are weeds or not, it is sublime. It challenge us, it nurtures us, and it overwhelms us, as it is unstoppable. We can fight it, but by doing so, we only fight ourselves, as we are nature, with our own personal weeds against which we feel prejudiced.
"Show me a day when the world wasn't new"
Sister Barbara Hance (1928-1993)
Saturday, July 3, 2010
The Key
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I was going through an anxious few weeks recently when I found Anxiety Girl, I laughed out loud, so funny, so keenly true, so me.
I must admit that something so simple gave me two things to think about:
- I was translating any discomfort into impending doom.
- Obviously, I was not the only one.
Thanks to my still infant Mindfulness skills, I know that anxiety is an intense reaction to my own thoughts. This is helpful for me every single day. However, there is a point where not reacting to an avalanche of thoughts is easier said than done, especially when I am tired and facing life changing decisions.
Drawing from my professional experience, I can tell you that it is better, from a design point of view, to build a system with features to prevent a fault, rather than to contain a fault once it has already ocurred. Hence, it makes sense to find a way to prevent thoughts from snowballing into avalanches.
The way we react is part habit, part the way we are wired and part what you can get away with in your culture. Disclaimer: I might not be professionally qualified to make such statement, but have had enough therapy in my life to know that I am entitled to my opinion.
But what are all those thoughts I keep talking about? positive thoughts? negative thoughts? future thoughts? well, all of them. This continuous thinking is preventing me from the very thing I am trying to achieve: being in the present.
There are times when it is easy to be present: when you savour that delicious tapioca and mango mousse; or when you explain to your child the dangers of playing with scissors, while trying to keep a straight face at the marvelous haircut he's just given himself; or when you're lulled into a sleep by the breathing of your lover next to you.
There are times when you wish you were somewhere else, or that you could hang your life on the nearest coat rack, hoping that someone else would want to wear it for a while.
Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth tell us to not fight the now, to embrace it and make friends with it, no matter what it is, there is no good or bad, all it happens is part of the same fabric. Pain, frustration and anxiety are caused by our own resistance to the now.
Slowness, waiting, physical inactivity are sources of stress for me. In fact, I once refused to read a book club choice because of its title "Slowness". Interestingly, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" seemed a lot more appealing and it was also written by the same author, and one of my favourites, Milan Kundera.
A humbling moment for me came when I figured out that I can only move as fast as my body. Therefore 1000 KPH thoughts are not going to get me out of the rough patches any quicker. I need to learn to bring my whole presence here, where my body is.
This is the key. Not to approach being in the moment from the thought realm, but to be present from no thought
à la prochaine, mes amis,
Evelia
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Mindfulness and presence
Throughout the past year I have been dipping my toes into the vast ocean of Mindfulness. When people ask me what it is, I answer "being here, now". It might sound easy, but it is not a simple concept to grasp, even more difficult to realise, as I have come to discover.
The events that lead me into this particular path started with the feeling of sinking, in front of my kitchen sink, yeah, well, it is corny, but that's where I was when it happened. I felt as if I had been asleep for years. As I drew a huge overdue breath, my world started to shake. My beliefs were all of the sudden questioned, by no other than myself. Something inside was urging me to see things for what they were, not what I thought there should be. Anxiety set in.
Left enters Mindfulness. I learned to focus on my breath, to meditate, to observe. On the external side, I separated, started a new diet, ran more and finally learned to swim properly. I did all of this because I had no choice. Would it be an exaggeration if I said it was a matter of life or death?...maybe...OK, I am dramatic, but I have the perfect excuse: I am a Latin Woman, what did you expect? I grew up watching telenovelas.
The act/art/fact of "being here, now". I can scan my body, I can see my thoughts and not judge them, it helped a lot. I was moderately sane again, even happy some days and even more importantly, I recovered the ability to enjoy my children.
However, when the time came to make tough decisions, I got overcome with fears: fear of doing the wrong thing, of being alone, of being broke, of physical and/or mental illness, of not being a good parent...the worst one: fear of never being able to be happy, "what if it is me? non-conformist, enternally unhappy little sort that throws everything away because she doesn't get enough cuddles."
Right enters A New Earth. I started reading this book from the middle, from the part where it didn't feel like everything I had always done was wrong, where there was some hope for screwed up me.
Tying up with Mindfulness there is Presence. Reading a few pages of A New Earth has revealed a deeply known but dormant truth ...presence is not the same as thoughts about being present...
I'll leave you with that, for now, be here, don't think about it, just be...
The act/art/fact of "being here, now". I can scan my body, I can see my thoughts and not judge them, it helped a lot. I was moderately sane again, even happy some days and even more importantly, I recovered the ability to enjoy my children.
However, when the time came to make tough decisions, I got overcome with fears: fear of doing the wrong thing, of being alone, of being broke, of physical and/or mental illness, of not being a good parent...the worst one: fear of never being able to be happy, "what if it is me? non-conformist, enternally unhappy little sort that throws everything away because she doesn't get enough cuddles."
Right enters A New Earth. I started reading this book from the middle, from the part where it didn't feel like everything I had always done was wrong, where there was some hope for screwed up me.
Tying up with Mindfulness there is Presence. Reading a few pages of A New Earth has revealed a deeply known but dormant truth ...presence is not the same as thoughts about being present...
I'll leave you with that, for now, be here, don't think about it, just be...
Welcome
My friend, the TaiChi instructor whose name I usually borrow for my French assignments, said to me "you need a Blog"...so here we are...my first blog entry.
I will keep it short as I am at work, and I am allowing myself only a few minutes break. I am at a point in my life were things seem to be difficult. It feels as if I am starting a new stage, leaving behind an old life where I managed to achive all the things that were prescribed. I can say that it was rewarding in many ways, however, I feel exhausted, need a change or a few many thousands of changes.
My friend, the hairdresser, gave me a book: A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I am reading it in an unconventional way, I imagine many of my subsequent blog entries will be about my musings on the book.
Threee things that I should point out:
- The friends I have mentioned are much much more than their occupation, I have appreciated that from the first time I met them. It's just that I don't want to use their names without their permission.
- I chose the name of this blog to remind myself that there is no point in trying to outrun my life, I must walk it, every step of it.
- My body is perfectly healthy, but I am a perfectly fair weather being who likes not to be tired, not to feel pain, ...I have lessons to learn...many... come and visit from time to time, maybe you can check on my progress, or even remind me that I already learned that one.
au revoir,
Evelia :)
(yes, I like to show off my written French sometimes)
I will keep it short as I am at work, and I am allowing myself only a few minutes break. I am at a point in my life were things seem to be difficult. It feels as if I am starting a new stage, leaving behind an old life where I managed to achive all the things that were prescribed. I can say that it was rewarding in many ways, however, I feel exhausted, need a change or a few many thousands of changes.
My friend, the hairdresser, gave me a book: A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I am reading it in an unconventional way, I imagine many of my subsequent blog entries will be about my musings on the book.
Threee things that I should point out:
- The friends I have mentioned are much much more than their occupation, I have appreciated that from the first time I met them. It's just that I don't want to use their names without their permission.
- I chose the name of this blog to remind myself that there is no point in trying to outrun my life, I must walk it, every step of it.
- My body is perfectly healthy, but I am a perfectly fair weather being who likes not to be tired, not to feel pain, ...I have lessons to learn...many... come and visit from time to time, maybe you can check on my progress, or even remind me that I already learned that one.
au revoir,
Evelia :)
(yes, I like to show off my written French sometimes)
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